Writer's block
by sailorcrisp
Summary: Homura attempts to type up a profile of the past and present members of the 'magical quintet', realising it is actually harder than expected.


**Analysis**

**_"The magical quintet":_**

_Mami Tomoe-_

_She has claimed the reputation as protector of the weak, mentor to all. A girl who fears loneliness above all else. She pretends and continues to pretend. She tries so hard and that's what keeps her alive. The moment she starts to show off is the moment that gets herself killed. Deep down, under that bravado is a girl that is fragile and mentally unstable. _

_Sayaka Miki-_

_Brash and stupid._

_Kyoko Sakura-_

_A vicious, reckless and harsh girl that knows reality and the cold cruel world. She can be merciless, but surprisingly still has her morals. _

_Madoka Kaname-_

_Madoka….She's….._

Homura stops typing and sighs.

"Got writer's block Homura?" Kyoko asks. Homura turns around to find Kyoko leaning casually against the door.

Homura looks unimpressed. "How long have you been standing there?" She asks, slightly irritated and annoyed that she didn't notice Kyoko until now. "Heh, long enough to know you are having trouble with…" She peers at the screen "...Madoka Kaname." Kyoko shrugs, sticking another pocky in her mouth, "Who is she anyway?" she asks while chewing her pocky. Homura doubts Kyoko would believe her, but at least Sayaka isn't around to do any interrogations.

"Madoka is a friend." Homura states, but is surprised when Kyoko chokes on her pocky and then starts laughing. "Hahaha *cough* you? Friends? Hahahaha! You hardly speak to us let alone anyone in class *cough* and after school, you're holed up at home or on wraith hunts hahahaha! Oh you're too funny!" By now Kyoko had tears in her eyes finding the concept of Homura having an actual friend hilarious. She never thought of Homura as a joker or a liar, but it sounded too ridiculous not to be. Unfortunately for Kyoko, she didn't see the tears starting to form in Homura's eyes. Homura bowed her head and turned around to face the computer screen. She didn't expect Kyoko to remember anything or to believe the existence of Madoka Kaname, but she didn't expect her to laugh about it. She gritted her teeth, willing her emotions down, the tears to go and for her famous emotionless mask to be back in place.

Kyoko finally calms down and notices Homura is just sitting there facing the screen. Initially Kyoko assumes she's just been ignored until she realises Homura isn't typing. She cautiously walks up to her and sees the warring look on her face. And for the first time since Sayaka's death she sees sadness in Homura's eyes and remembers the word, no, the name Homura uttered that night, "Madoka". Kyoko widens her eyes in realisation and hesitantly asks "You're not lying are you?" Homura doesn't move or speak. 'Damn, I think I actually hurt her feelings' Kyoko thinks to herself. "I'm sorry Homura, I didn't mean to laugh, it's just that, well, if she's your friend then how come we've never met her before?" Kyoko asks, walking up to Homura and widens her eyes in surprise when she sees glistening eyes with unshed tears. "Hey Homura, I really am sorry… I didn't mean…. I... " She sighs in frustration "here, take it" she says shoving a box a pocky in front of Homura.

Homura looks at the box of pocky and turns back to the computer. "Aw come on Homura… I already feel bad enough as it is. Just take one will ya?" Kyoko insists. Homura takes a deep breath and looks at Kyoko and sees in her eyes that she is genuinely sorry. She sighs and grabs a pocky stick, knowing she won't feel better until she does. "Heh, that's better." Kyoko says, pulling up a chair and making herself comfortable next to Homura. "So tell me...What she like?" She asks with a grin. Homura paused and looked down, finding her lap very interesting "Who?" she asks quietly. "Madoka, you dummy! Geez…" Kyoko says with a chuckle.

Homura sighs. "Why?" is all she asks. Kyoko looks at her confused, "Huh? What do you mean "why"? She's a friend of yours and I'm really curious with anyone that is considered a friend by you of all people. I mean, she must be important for you to include her in your writing and for you to actually get upset... Since you're kinda like the least emotional person here." Kyoko says picking out another stick of pocky. "No offense" she adds before shoving it in her mouth.

Homura leans over the desk and lets out a deep breath, resting her chin on her hands contemplating the question. "Madoka…. She's…." Homura trails off. Kyoko stops chewing, waiting for Homura to continue. "She's…." Homura stops. Kyoko notices how Homura is having difficulty talking about this mysterious "Madoka" and narrows her eyes, "Yeah? She's what?" she asks, prompting her to continue. Homura remains silent, with a tortured look on her face, a look Kyoko can relate with. Kyoko sighs and decides to help her slightly. "Well what's the first thing you think of when you see her face? What are the words that come to you as soon as you hear her name?"

Homura closes her eyes and then they suddenly shoot open again, the look of sadness never leaving her face. "My one and only friend. The sweetest person I've ever met. The only person to ever actually care about me and put my life and everyone elses before hers and would sacrifice herself for everyone else." She turned to face Kyoko. "She saw the good in everyone and always tried to help me and want to be friends with me, even though Sayaka Miki hated me. She was Sayaka Miki's best friend and yet still wanted to be my friend and sacrificed her life for mine on many occasions. I had promised her that I would protect her, that I would save her from getting tricked by Kyubey, but I never fulfilled my promise, I was too weak to protect her and now she's gone forever because of my failure. She was my friend, but I never deserved to be called hers." Homura sobs, with her stoic face finally crumbling.

Kyoko was more stunned to see Homura actually crying rather than the confusing explanation of Madoka Kaname. From what she could recall with Sayaka, she was friends with a green haired girl, but Homura hardly spoke to her, so that didn't make total sense. Even though Homura sometimes said odd things like grief seeds and witches on occasion, Kyoko didn't think she was outright delusional….maybe confused, but not insane. Funny enough, every time she thought of that name during this conversation, the colour pink would come up in her mind. "Hey Homura… Come here." Kyoko says gently, embracing the normally cold and stoic girl. Homura offered no resistance and after a few seconds returned the embrace, finally crying on her shoulder. Kyoko said nothing, allowing Homura to take all the time she needed to let it all out.

Eventually, her cries subsided and Homura lifted her head, mumbling an apology after seeing the damp spot on Kyoko's jumper, her face seemingly red from embarrassment rather than from the actual crying. Kyoko grinned, and waved the apology away. Seeing an embarrassed Homura was worth it. 'First, Homura getting tongue tied, second, Homura crying and third, Homura being embarrassed. This is my lucky day.' Kyoko mused.

"Feel better now?" Kyoko asks. Homura nods in reply looking away. "You know… I never would have thought you were the shy type Homura." Kyoko says amused. "I must admit though, some of the things you said don't quite add up. I've never met anyone that Sayaka hated, besides me...kinda. She travels with that green haired girl, who seems to hardly know you and I think we would've noticed someone trying to save your life. So what am I missing?" Kyoko's mind clicks and her eyes widen as she realises something. "Hang on, you never quite explained what your powers are, or what your wish was." Homura didn't move nor speak, which slightly irritated Kyoko, who in turn, grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around facing her and making sure she couldn't look away. "Homura. Hey Homura! Look at me." She waited until Homura raised her eyes to look directly at Kyoko. "That's better. Now, I ain't going until you answer my questions. I promise I will not abandon you or call you crazy, but you need to be straight with me. This doesn't make any sense and it's only fair, if nothing else than at least for the fact that I told you my sob story and my wish as well as my powers."

Homura nods and takes a deep breath to collect herself. She knows Kyoko is right and she at least owes her that much. "I was a very different person when I met Madoka. I was starting in a new school and was very shy and insecure. I was fragile and nervous. Madoka was the nurse's aide and was the only person to help me feel comfortable during my first day. It wasn't enough and I contemplated ending my life that day. Unknowingly, I stumbled into a witches barrier and I was almost killed by the familiars, but that was when I was saved by two magical girls. Madoka Kaname and Mami Tomoe." Homura holds up a hand to stop the question about to fly from Kyoko's mouth. " It will make sense later." She states. Kyoko closes her mouth and nods for her to continue.

"I was invited by Mami Tomoe to her apartment for tea and cakes." Homura pauses and gives Kyoko a weak smile, " A ritual that hasn't changed, even now. I was told by them and Kyubey about the magical girl system and about witches and a super witch called Walpurgisnacht for which Madoka was getting trained up for." Homura paused to see if Kyoko would interrupt her before continuing "This witch was strong enough to destroy the city. Mami Tomoe already lost her life trying to stop it. I begged Madoka to save herself and run away, but she said it was her job and that she was glad to have met me. She went on to fight the witch and died in the process. As I was in despair, crying over Madoka's dead body, Kyubey offers me a choice and I immediately accepted the life of a magical girl. I wished to go back in time and "meet Miss Kaname all over again and this time, instead of her protecting me, I want to be strong enough to protect her!" And so began my journey. "

"As I discovered, I could stop time and turn back time about a month's worth. During my second attempt, Madoka barely survived Walpurgisnacht, but her soul gem morphed into a grief seed, the item dropped by witches and used to clean our soul gems. Basically what the grief cubes do now. Kyubey forgot to mention that the endpoint of a magical girl was to turn into the thing we were meant to destroy. So I restarted time to warn them. This was the first time I had met you and the first time Sayaka Miki became a magical girl. It didn't end well. None of you believed me until Sayaka fell into despair, which in turn corrupted her soul gem, triggering her transformation into a witch. Mami Tomoe killed you and almost killed me if it weren't for Madoka killing her. We both fought Walpurgisnacht, but our gems were too far gone. Madoka used her spare grief seed on my soul gem and asked me to promise her that I would go back in time and stop Kyubey from tricking her into becoming a magical girl and to save her. I swore I would do that and that I would keep going back as many times as it took until I fulfilled that promise." Homura rubs her eyes realising this is the first time she's spoken about her time loops to anyone other than Madoka.

"I was just under 100 time loops until Madoka changed things. By going back in time, Kyubey revealed to me that doing so increased her potential exponentially, both as a magical girl and afterwards as a witch. I'd rather die than see Madoka make a contract, so I fought Walpurgisnacht again and lost again. In my despair, I almost became a witch, but Madoka stopped me and against my protests, made a contract with Kyubey. She wished for all witches to be erased and didn't want magical girls to suffer anymore. In doing so, she essentially became a goddess, changing the rules of the cosmos and destroying the existence of witches by absorbing the grief from their soul gem before they transform, hence the existence of the wraiths and grief cubes. A better alternative than initial system although not as effective in soul gem cleansing. It was beneficial to all magical girls save one- Madoka. In order for this to work, Madoka ceased to exist as a human and in human history. Her parents don't remember her, nor the world. She now exists only as a goddess and I am the only one who remembers her."

Homura pulls the ribbon from her hair. "This is the only evidence left of Madoka Kaname's existence in this world. And sometimes," Homura says, her voice breaking " I wonder if it is better if I couldn't remember her either." As soon as Kyoko sees the unshed tears in Homura's eyes, she immediately pulls her in for another hug. "It's alright Homura… You're not alone. I reckon she'd be happy that you remember her and even happier that you told someone else about her too." She pulls back grinning. "And now, you'll be able to finish that little project of yours yeah?" Kyoko asks, thumbing the computer. Homura turns around, realisation hitting her " I…. yes. Thankyou Kyoko. Thankyou for everything. I apologise for my behaviour tonight." Homura says, giving her a polite bow.

Kyoko chuckles, "Heh, you've got nothing to be sorry for Homura. It's nice to see you acting like a normal person for a change." Kyoko says with a smirk. "Anyway, I'll leave ya to it. You know where to find me if you get stuck again yeah?" Kyoko asks walking towards the door. Homura nods before turning back to the computer screen. As Kyoko was about to leave the room for some well deserved cake, courtesy of Mami, she remembered something. "Oh, Homura, one question."  
"Yes?" Homura replies. "Did Madoka like the colour pink?" Kyoko asks, smiling when she sees Homura's eyes widen. "Yes… that was her favourite colour and was also the colour of her hair. How did you…?" Homura trailed off. Kyoko shrugged "I suppose you could say you're not the only one that remembers something about her. Heh, no wonder her and Sayaka were buddies…. pink and blue...ha!" Kyoko remarks while walking out the door.

Once Kyoko is out of sight, Homura turns back to the screen about to continue typing when she thinks about what Kyoko said. She looks at the ribbon and then out the window where there was a beautiful full moon out. "Thankyou Madoka." Homura says with a smile and starts crying silently, this time, crying tears of joy, clutching her ribbon even tighter. "Thankyou".

* * *

**A/N: ...Yeah... **

**Don't know if this is worse or better, but as always, constructive criticism is appreciated! **


End file.
